Straight Talk from the Straight Jacket

Last Post

2005-04-26T05:09:00.000-04:00

It's been almost a year since I started this blog, and finally "Straight Talk From The Straight Jacket" is wrapping up. The vision of this blog, to start, was to be an output of my crazy feelings. But as I looked harder, that just can't and won't cut it anymore. Straight Talk From The Straight Jacket is coming to a close. But never fear! My new blog (and vision) is "Going Home." It's hosted at http://lifeproject.uni.cc. Go have a peek. Thanks to those who faithfully read my blog. God bless you, and I hope to see you at my new blog.

What Do Lobsters, Stop Signs, And Myself Have In Common?

2005-04-16T18:35:00.000-04:00

We're all RED! I'm so burnt it's not funny. I had a total blast though. Got my paper done, thank God, just got to get the citations written and it's all done, WHOO HOO! Got a devotional on the way, God showed me a scripture today to write about. Still waiting on my hosting. :-( But I'll make it. I'm pretty sure I'll make it. :-D Keepin' on keepin' on!

Things Is Just A Word, Right?

2005-04-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

Things are going very well for me. I'm going with a band to support them in a concert. It's really cool. I'm happy to say that my vocational paper is almost complete (that thing is an evil evil paper, but it's well worth it because it's required for graduation. Other than that, not too much is going on in the hood here. Whats going on in YOUR hood? Cause, as Mr. Rogers used to say..."It's a beautiful day in the neighbor"hood" yes a beautiful day to be a neighbor, won't you be mine, won't you be mine?"

Must See Silver Screen

2005-04-12T23:19:00.000-04:00

Go see Hotel Rwanda. I don't care if you buy it, rent it, watch your neighbor's copy. It's a fantastic movie. And Don Cheadle should have won for his performance. It was literally heart-wrenching. I cried. The hatred in the faces of those people...go see it. It's impacted me deeply. It's made me want to go do something. And I think that is the purpose of any movie...to provoke us to action. This movie is Christian in every way for one reason...it promotes the view of ethnic tolerance...no matter where you're from, you are equal. You are not a lesser, but an equal. We are all the same, there is no difference...and it shows you when that rule of thumb is disobeyed. Bring a hanky.

Wanna Know My Social Security Number?

2005-04-12T03:17:00.000-04:00

I'm not actually going to hand it out (sorry, identity thieves.) But I will say this: I feel like my identity has been lost. Yup, lost. Not stolen, mind you. Lost. I am no longer anything like me. And it's my own fault. I feel like I let my identity be taken. What is my identity? Come to think of it, thats a really good question. My identity is Christ now. The bible DOES say, after all, that "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God." I kinda did lose my identity...I forgot the thought I want to live by, the rule of thumb for avoiding sin: I'm a dead man. I should not, cannot, will not sin because I have died to it, and I no longer live for it. If I forget that, God help me. I'll lose everything.

On a non-rant note, I'm going to see if I can post in my blog every day for the next month. If I can, I might invest in a website. Which would be stinkin awesome. I'd actually have a space to call my own. I could host my own writings and poetry, as well as others. It'd be more than a blog, it'd be a personal ME space. Ha! I think I've got a goal! But my new laptop comes first. I need portability before me space. After all, why have me space online if I can't take it with me?

Conquered Conqueror

2005-04-10T04:14:00.000-04:00

I live my life like this for so long. A conquered conqueror. A defeated victor. And it's a total conflict with what I've been reading. Have I stepped into victory or not? That is the question that hounds my soul. And the answer is obvious. I haven't. My victory isn't complete. I haven't won yet. I'm bound, and about to be gagged, of my own will. Isn't that weird, physically I'm not turned on by masochism, but spiritually I seem to enjoy my bondage. And I wish I didn't. It's like my spiritual self is the exact opposite of my physical self...My appearance is rather clean cut, I don't dress with outlandish clothing or accessories, I'm not labeled "weird" in any sense except my odd behavior but on the inside, I seem to enjoy all the "weird" things, the constant pain of betraying my Master, selling Him out to the evil king of this world. I need to pull myself into one accord, body, mind, spirit, all focused on one goal -- to bring Glory to God. I've screwed up. And I'll admit it to everyone. God, men, even myself. I messed up. But...the future? It's not too far gone to retrieve. I'm gonna have to be strict. I'm gonna have to fight. But...is it worth it? Yes...yes, I believe it is. As a matter of fact...it's worth it all. Freedom is worth every penny of it's cost. If that means what little control I still hold, so be it.

Born Bad?

2005-04-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

I was just watching Law and Order, my all time favorite show to grab a message or devo illustration from, and the episode was Born Bad. The basic storyline of the show was this young man, who was in foster care, was kicked to death on a street. The cops searched and searched for his killer, and found that his foster brother was the most likely suspect. They dug and dug and dug, and they found out that this young man, whose name was Chris, had a record of violence. They kept looking and found that this young man's life was horribly messed up. They found that his dad was in prison for attacking the mailman with a hammer, that every close relative of his was, in some way, a criminal. They charged him with murder for his foster brother's death. The defense attourney brought up a defense that it was his genes that made him act out criminal behavior. The attourney thought it was a brilliant plan, and had a whole bunch of people testify about it. It was working well, too. Until the boy believed it. He had heard all of the things that were said, about the genetics, the irreversibility of his condition, how he'd never change, never be anything more than a criminal. He asked for a plea bargain -- where he'd serve the maximum sentence for the maximum he could be charged for. At the end, the judge asked the boy if he'd understood what he was pleading to. He said he did. They had him sent to a juvenile prison until he's 18, and he asked "Why bother? I'm good for nothing. If I'm irreversable, why bother?"

I sat there after the show had finished and thought about what he had said. "Why bother" saving his life if there was nothing there? "Why bother?" How often do Christians say that about themselves? We hear oodles and oodles in the church about "original sin" and how we're predisposed to sin and how we're all going to sin and there's nothing we can do about it. The first part is true -- We all have sinned or will sin in our lifetime, Scripture guarantee -- but the second part is all false and yet we believe it. There is something we can do.

Galatians 5:1 says that "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Freedom, not guilt. Christ set us free by His blood. Who are we to say that we are not? We say that we were born with "original sin." We're right in saying that, it's a statement of truth about our past. What is not true is that it has reign in our lives anymore. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Free. Not "enslaved to the flesh but struggling for freedom." FREE. That young man, he listened to everything the world said about him, that he was hopeless. But in all reality, you and he and I are in the same boat. We're all criminals. But each and every one of us has the chance for reform -- for freedom -- in Christ. It's about time we lived up to the Word.

Terri

2005-04-03T01:36:00.000-05:00

We lost. A couple of days ago, society lost a major battle. True, someone won one -- specifically, the battle for the right to die. But as a society, we lost. We took someone whose wishes we really did not know, and killed her. Maybe Michael won. Maybe George Felos too. Perhaps even the ACLU -- at least, in future cases. But we lost. We lost the moment we said that because Terri was weaker, because she was infirm, because she had slipped into a minimally conscious/persistent vegitative state, that she deserved to die. We, as humanity, decided for a woman what was the best way to live based on our own feelings. We thought to ourselves, "I wouldn't want to live this way, therefore she wouldn't either. Lets 'end her suffering.'" But somehow, I didn't see her suffering when she was being fed. Maybe she didn't know anything at all. But, what if she did? What if she felt hunger pangs and what if she felt her body slowly shutting down, killing her every system? What if we all were wrong? Then we lost, as I said before. We lost everything that we held dear in our society, simply because we couldn't get our minds off of ourselves. We lost the sanctity of human life. Why have the death penalty now? We kill our weak. We've descended to the level of animals. For so long the human race has boasted of our ability to reason beyond that of instinct. We've boasted supremacy over nature because we could think and it couldn't. Now, we've gone to the dogs -- literally -- by taking what should have been one whom we protected, and killing her. I don't want to see what is next. But somehow, I feel like I'll be even more outraged then, and this will pass. But mark my words: This is society's turning point. This day will either mark the beginning of an uprising of those concerned more for others than for self, or the downfall of the United States of America.

No More If!

2005-03-29T04:36:00.000-05:00

Thats right, you heard me, no more if. That post is done and buried. I bet you were afraid of it going to Chapter Twenty-Two, Act Ninety-Eight, weren't you? Well, I can't rant that long about a topic without getting bored. I'm still thinking on it but hey, thats for another post, right?

I'm so tired of being lonely. I know I'm not technically "alone" but darn if it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes I just get to wanting someone to be at my side, resting with me, heck, being with me that I want to cry. I'm so tired of living my Christian life and being told that I gotta be alone, and that the only person who can get as close to me as I want them to be is my future spouse. I'm really tired of it. I want a friend, not an acquaintance. Anyway...

Dad's starting to feel weak from the radiation therapy. It was expected, but nonetheless it's hurtful to see my dad so weak so much. I can only pray that God comes and touches his body, heals him up good. Thats my hope, anyway.

If... Chapter Two, Part One, Act One

2005-03-28T01:30:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about it. I'm more sure than ever that perfection is attainable in the sense that Jesus spoke of. The greek behind the word perfect means complete, whole. And I believe that happens when we physically share in the death of Christ. I think Peter and Paul and James and all the Christians who have died in the faith died perfect. Sinless, stainless, whole and holy. Because they shared in everything Christ did, and more. They saw the conversion of more people than even Jesus did, in the physical. More people did miracles and saw wonderful things at His hands than He physically did. Perfection is attainable by becoming like Christ, in every way. We cannot cleanse our own sin, He has done that. Now, the new man is born and the old man is dead. Crucified. Why can we not live up to that? Is it because the old man really isn't dead yet? No, my bible says different. It's done, the bible says. The old HAS passed away. The new HAS come. So...why aren't we living like new men (or women) in Christ? I think it's because as a society, we're far too used to living just above the line. "Well, I'm saved, thats all I need. God loves me, and all I need to do is pray a little bit and read my bible every day. That'll get me into heaven." Maybe it will, but how fulfilling is it to just make it? I want to be holy. Set apart. Different. There must be something I can do for Him, there must be some way, some power, something I can do to attain what He has commanded. But I don't want to be mediocre about it. Jesus sweat blood praying for me, so why do I find it so hard to drop to my own knees? He was flesh too. He had to overcome the flesh. And He did. And the Bible says that we would do greater than even He did! So why is it so hard? Because the enemy has lied to us for so long that we no longer live lives of faith...we live our lives of knowledge. We know that if we do this this and this we'll be saved...but if we believe this, this and this, we'll tear down the gates of hell and pull people out. I think our enemy is fighting a twofold war...one to steal souls and one to keep them. He'd be stupid not to. And for far too long we've seen our defeated foe as a stupid one. He was an angel, some even suppose the chief musician. He's no dummy, folks. Greater is He who lives within us than he who is in the world, yes, but greater is he who lives in the world than he who does not live by faith. I'm so tired of failing at his hands. I may stumble over the block, but it would not be there if it were not for the enemy. I need to overcome...I want to overcome.

If...

2005-03-25T00:30:00.000-05:00

I was thinking tonight...I was talking with a person I respect and trust with biblical matters, and she told me that my small group will be focusing on prayer. Devoted prayer. On FIRE prayer. Prayers that speak the truth and confess the truth, and truly seek the face of God. And I started wondering...why don't we face the facts and read our bibles? It's almost like we look at them, and all we see is "Christian-ese." We don't even look at what it literally says. Jesus said "Be ye perfect (holy,) as I am perfect (holy.)" Why would He command that of us if He knew we could never do it? If our old selves are dead, crucified with Jesus on the Cross, buried with Christ, and our new selves are raised with Christ to be holy and perfect, why do we act as though His words are repulsive? It's false humility and a lie. "I could never be" is Satan's newest weapon. And I see it in so many of my friends. "I could never be a pastor, that's gotta be hard." "I could never be a missionary, I'd be too afraid to die." "I could never be" anything, because you doubt. I have some words for you. "O ye of little faith! Why did you doubt?" Why did you? Why did I? I don't know, but I'll tell you this. We repeat the words of Satan to Messiah God every time we say all those "I could never" sentences. Which ones, you ask? "SURELY You didn't mean that, did You, God?" Satan said those words to Eve. "Did God really say...? No, of course not! Because He knows that eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil would make you like Him!" Today we say "Did God really say be perfect? Thats a daunting task. I could never (there it is again!) do that, thats really hard, and I'd end up exactly like Him, and surely thats not right! Maybe He meant be sanctified in His blood by 'be perfect.' That's a LOT easier. Lets stick with that..." and thus a doctrine is made. Believe it or not, that is mainstream doctrine in a major denomination. And we miss it every time...because we've become used to it. Not to mention "crucifying the flesh" now means "deny yourself a meal or two." Our fasting is maybe a day without sugar. The fasting Jesus talked about, you had to work to hide how it affected you. The Crucifixion is portrayed with a cross and three nailpoints, with no body on it. No blood, no gruesome, mangled image on it. Just an empty cross. The blood and guts and sacrifice of the Bible has been watered down to nothing more than self-denial and radical obedience! TO WHAT? The God most churches portray, or the Messiah God of the Bible, the One who got angry, chastised His children, and ordered them to fight for what was theirs? The One who told His kids when they were wrong? The One who didn't hesitate to discipline us? Frankly, I don't want Santa. I want Messiah God. I want the One who actually cares enough to do something. I want Jesus. Anyone with me?

Update time!

2005-03-23T01:47:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I decided to update this. How're y'all doin? I hope you're fine, dandy, swell, and every other word you can use to describe "good." A lot has happened since my last post, I'm sure. Turns out my Dad does have prostate cancer, and he is currently in day 11 of his 39-day treatment plan. It's not having any physical affect just yet, and I hope it stays that way, but time will certainly tell. I'm doing wonderful at my new church where I am assisting a brand new youth pastor in his adventure. It really is wonderful and refreshing to be working with a man who has dreams, ambitions, and goals.

On a different front, my emotions are still on the fritz. They vary from week to week, but on average, I'm a little depressed. Though one lesson I learned is not to give a rip what people think. Putting that knowledge into practice is admittedly harder than grasping the ideal itself, but I'll manage. I'm not talking arrogance -- I'll still listen to see if I'm off course and see if I'm way out in left field -- but if I know without a doubt I'm correct, and something other than myself backs me up, I won't back down anymore.

Not much else to say yet. If I think of something, you'll be the first to know, I promise.

I'm So Tired

2004-12-25T01:20:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired of being alone in struggles. I'm so tired of trying to be someone else. I'm so tired of being everything. I'm so tired...

I'm tired of being asked the question "How are you?" and knowing that they meant for me to say "I'm good" and walking on. I'm tired of wanting to cry and not finding the tears anymore. I'm tired of living life feeling like no one cares. I'm tired, world! I'm tired, lonely and more than a bit scared. But mostly, I wanted my Christmas to be peaceful...hah...thats already over. "Silent Night" it's not. Heh...here's to a thousand days of peace and quiet. Comment if you want to.

Merry Christmas

2004-12-24T21:19:00.000-05:00

The gifts are opened (if you open them Christmas Eve as I do) and the night is growing close to a close. I gotta say to everyone who reads, though, that I am grateful for you. I am grateful that you listen to my rants and raves and my questions. And for that, I want to wish you a very merry Christmas. I hope your gifts are as cool as mine. :-)

The Prayer of a Desperate Man

2004-12-16T01:42:00.000-05:00

Dad, I need your joy. For far too long I've sat back and produced a joy that is, honestly, fake. I can't say with earnest that most of my joy was real. You and I both know that I faked it, produced it for a show. I know you know everything, Dad, but do You remember the day...no, the week I got saved? The joy you gave me? The walk we had? The messages you sent me? The love we shared? The rest we enjoyed? The times I bowed down in worship to you and cried out how holy you were? How close we were then? I miss that, Dad. I miss it all. Every bit of it. I hate going to worship and having to force my feet into dancing. I want it to be so I can't get them to stop! I'm just tired of being a half-hearted everything, God. My arms and mind are all in, God, but my heart is weary, I guess. Rest me in You, tonight, Lord, and restore that joy I had when I was first saved. I want to be so joyful, that everyone sees You in me. I don't want any of my personal problems to interefere with that joy anymore. I don't want my flesh to get in Your way anymore. I just want more of you, Lord, more of you, and less of me. May I forever be wrapped in Your arms, Lord. Forever.

My Thoughts Aren't Worth A Penny...But Pay Up Anyway

2004-12-14T01:08:00.000-05:00

Excerped from my thoughts earlier and edited: "Sometimes life is so stupid. I got temped by -- get this -- a game. A video game! And to top it off, it wasn't at all 'sexy!' It's a 2 1/2 D RPG game! How Satan got temptation in there is beyond me. It seems surreal to me to be tempted by a game with no sexual undertones. This only adds to my stress."

That understates it a bit. I'm so sick and tired of it all, but I am still believing that God's grace is sufficient for me. I've got to. I have no choice. I truly believe there's a heaven and a hell, and I also believe that if I run now, I'll hurt everyone I know. I'm in this for the long run, folks, and it looks like this running trail is right through the thorn bushes. What I wouldn't give for a machete. If I run, hell awaits me. If I stay, the fires of hell will burn at my heels. Then there's the aforementioned thorny trail. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't - but if I run through the thorns, I have one less thing to worry about. It's all so confusing sometimes.

And again, excerpted and edited: "With Dad undergoing cancer tests today, my stress level is steadily increasing. I'm trying not to wig out, but it barely seems possible. I just hope on hope that these circumstances won't worsen as days go by." I don't care what they say or how they say it, being the relative of a cancer patient makes you one to constantly and efficiently gauge your own mortality. Every step you take, you realize that you could die with the next, or that in the next minute, x number of people are going to die, and you come to terms with the fact that they're more than numbers, they're people just like your relative, in my case my Dad, who could die in an instant. Cancer sucks, people. And if you ever need a wake up call about it, ask me. I'd be more than happy to acommodate you.

RSS Feeds and You

2004-12-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

If you're a blogger, and you use blogspot/blogger, please, by all means, follow Manogirl's advice. Publish your RSS feed. If you get Mozilla Thunderbird, you'll understand why. It makes every blogger's day to be able to read everything from the comfort of one program. Anyway, thats my rant - and no, it's not my "real post" I promised you all. Sorry. It's still coming though!

Haloscan...

2004-12-13T20:13:00.000-05:00

Many thanks to Haloscan for their generous and kind services they give. Yea, this is kind of a cheap plug, but hey, they ARE hosting my trackbacks and new comment system for free. So they deserve a bit of a plug, I say. A normal (wait, did I say normal?) post should be coming up in a few. Blessings all!

Another Day...HEY, Where's My Dollar?!

2004-12-13T02:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's been one of those days. Struggling to stay afloat, wishing and hoping that faith will keep me afloat. I know it will, but hey...I've been giving my "answer" some more thought...and trying to find the solution...if anyone thought I was gonna go become a hermit, you've got no worries. I like annoying people more than I like being alone. :0) But yeah, becoming a hermit seems like the most obvious and yet most incorrect choice I could make . If I were to become a hermit now, after I've made so many connections in this world, after I've forged friendships, some though fire, that it would be a crying shame to lose that influence on another person's life. My every step is being watched, and not by "big brother," as some call it. No, it's far more like "little brother," in every way. Instead of someone looking at what I do to get me in legal trouble, I have someone looking at me saying "Wow, he's cool and smart and amazing! I'd love to be like him!" If only they knew the real me, though...would they keep saying that? Would the falls and hurts and pains I suffer come through to them? Would they sympathize, or be astounded that their hero is human after all? "Little brother" scares me more than "big brother." Wanna know why? Because if all the "little brothers" in the world don't know that I can screw up BIG TIME, the second I fall on my face in front of them, they'll all scatter from who I held to. My responsibility to this world is to pass on righteousness...and the knowledge that, as Jesus said,
"'Why do you call me good?' Jesus answered. 'No one is good--except God alone.'" (Thats in Mark, Chapter 18, Verse 10, if you want to look it up.) So, even though I rabbit trailed a bit here...I won't become a hermit...because there are too many people who are looking to me to be an example. I won't be a perfect one -- that's guaranteed. But I'll give God the best I've got...and place my hope in that "My [Jesus'] grace is sufficient" for me.

The End Meets The Beginning, But What About The Middle?

2004-12-08T02:51:00.000-05:00

I’ve been thinking some random stupid thoughts lately. That is one of them. Sue me, I’m writing this at 3 am. But, if you think about it, it’s a logical question to ask in the metaphorical sense. The end – or in this case the end of my story – meets the beginning (naturally doing so by completing what was set out for me in the beginning,) what then of the middle? If the end meets the beginning, I know it’ll turn out alright, but right now I’m stuck somewhere I don’t want to be Spiritually or Emotionally. So many things are running through my head, I don’t even wanna discuss it. But I know I gotta face everything, from the desires of my flesh to my own mortality. So, over the next few days, forgive me if I am a bit…eh…serious. More lata.

Answer?

2004-12-07T19:05:00.000-05:00

Excerpted from my thoughts last night: "My question is closer to being solved. Pastor Jim suggested apathy. I agree totally, but I think it is a larger issue. I am starting to explore the notion society does not contain the poison, but rather that it is the poison. But that opens up more questions than it answers, such as how we rid ourselves of the poison, or why the system is the poison. Guess I need to think this out some more." I've been thinking hard, and I really am starting to believe that perhaps this is the truth. That society at large is the poison. Adam was without sin or desire to sin until Satan and Eve came along. Eve was still the perfect helpmeet for Adam, as it is written, but the society, the organization of the human race as opposed to the first man, was where the introduction of sin was. Satan got sin into the human race through persuasion. Some slimy words. So perhaps this is the answer, that society is the poison, and the antidote, the immunization, is Truth, as it has always been. Society can persuade us and send us whatever messages it wants through whatever mentality it wants, because it will anyway. But we must immunize ourselves to the poison by recognizing the truth: that not everything we hear from men will be right, but everything we hear from God is right. Anyway, those are my compiled thoughts from yesterday and today. God bless, all!

Poison

2004-12-05T21:53:00.000-05:00

I've been wondering about life, and I've got a question. Any random readers are welcome to try to answer it, if they want to. If we, as Christians, are freed from bondage to sin when we accepted Christ, why are we still living like the world? Is it because the sin nature (and hence the struggle against the bondage) is still there....or are we being fed a poison that gets into our souls and minds and is corrupting us without us even knowing it? Basically, my question is what is the poison, who is feeding it to us, and why aren't we recognizing it? If anyone can answer me that, I would be so happy. I'd even kiss you - on the cheek or forehead or something. Anyway...more lata

Home again

2004-12-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

I got back from Disney World today...yay! So much fun! 20 times on Space Mountain was amazing, we knew all of the peeps there when we were done, lol. More lata

VACAY!!!!

2004-11-25T18:54:00.000-05:00

I'm so out! I'm gonna make like a banana and...dun dun dun....SPLIT! Ha Ha Ha Ha...lol just kidding around. Seriously though, I am going to be gone from Saturday to Wednesday! I'll make a big post later, for those who are watching my blog.

Long Time...Hey, Who ARE You Anyway?

2004-11-17T06:33:00.000-05:00

S'what it feels like sometimes, y'all. As you guessed, I've been insanely totally crazily super amazingly busy. Thats understating it, though. Since I last wrote, I've:

Been in a drama.
Been invited to help out a friend get a youth group off the ground.
Joined a media team and brought major growth.
Saw two hundred and fifty souls saved in one week.
Had fake blood plastered all over me.
Had plastic broken bones and plastic glass (not to be confused with PLEXIGLAS) glued to me.
Tasted said fake blood (it was actually tasty - but you didn't hear that from me.)
Fought temptation and failed.
Hiked in the woods.
Had deep talks with my closest friend.
Became a devoted student of the art of Photoshop.
Learned lack of sleep and driving is a no-no.
Became interested in learning the guitar.

And that's just the start. But most of all, I've been going nuts because I have little to no time to study, and being in my senior year of high school, thats not a good thing. I'm hoping this new church I'm going to be planted in will give me half a break. Perhaps it will. Oh well. This is the ramblings of a tired man. More lata, I hope.

Mercy

2004-09-27T21:50:00.000-04:00

Mercy, grace, all over the place. It's a good thing. When we're hurt, crying, in pain, when I'm dying in my own pain, no one I've known on this earth has ever run to me to comfort me. I feel like crying out in pain, "You miserable comforters! Did you forget what it's like to hurt? Or what you wanted when you were in pain?" Then I realize...it's all you. They will never be there when I want them to be, nor is it right of me to expect them to be. It's all you. I can cry out "Mercy Lord, save me, rescue me, take this pain away in Jesus name!" and You'll hear, no matter when. Maybe what I'm going through will be a refining fire, and you'll give me the strength to carry on. Maybe it'll be a satanic attack, and You will deliver me from the circumstances. Either way, though, You will comfort me the ways my friends never could. Thank you, Lord. Renew my soul tonight in You, Lord.

Amazing...

2004-09-23T14:47:00.000-04:00

Last night was absolutely amazing. Simply stunning. The Glory of God just poured down over my youth group last night, broke hearts, and poured out His Spirit on all of us...people prophesying, speaking in tongues...the Lord is so good. I'll never forget last night.

Day 4, 32, 7, 19, HUT!

2004-09-18T14:39:00.000-04:00

I'm here, day 4 of infinity, and I'm not alone today. Literally. I have to put up with...I mean, paint my room with my [sarcasm]good[/sarcasm] friend Nathan. It's good to have a good friend who you can share everything with. I'm hoping you all are having a great day. My room is looking awesome...just a little longah. BEIGE! GBU all, more lata!

2004-09-18T14:34:00.000-04:00

Nathan after painting :-D

Stranger Than Truth

2004-09-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

There was this family, the Driftwoods, and they had this cat. Well, they loved this cat dearly and they took it everywhere, including vacations. Well, they went cross-country and when they had stopped in Albuquerque, they had lost the cat. They didn't notice until they got home, and they searched night and day for him, calling around everywhere they had been. They gave up after a week, thinking him lost or dead. A month later, they heard this scratching on their door. They wondered what it could have possibly been. Mrs. Driftwood opened up the door, looked down, and to her suprise...it was a beaver, which promptly bit her.

Day 3, Kyle 0

2004-09-17T08:03:00.000-04:00

I may be posing a joke above, but it is true that sometimes days can get me down. It is a miracle that today is day three of my purity, and while it's not over yet, I'm claiming that I will have my day 4 tomorrow. I've been trying to live a life that gives glory to God and not to me, but that doesn't always come like I want it to. But God is granting me freedom to stand, and I praise Him for it. I pray that whoever reads this journal/blog/ranting session would be given the freedom they desire too. Oh, and my room is getting painted. By me. Moi. Mi. It's a "beige" but it looks more tan to me. It's a nice color. I'll post pics soon. God Bless everyone!

Day 2

2004-09-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

Second Day, first place. It's so great to be able to say that I'm finally in first place, that for one day I can say that I overcame the enemy by the strength of the Lord. Now, here is to many more. More later.

Break Me, Take Me, Mold Me, Hold Me

2004-09-15T07:04:00.000-04:00

Break me. What have I got to lose, God? A little dignity? A little pride? That's nothing I couldn't do without, Lord. Look at the mess I get myself in. Take me. Take whats left, Lord. My life is shattered because of what I'm in. When I'm in sin, I'm a clay jar with lots of holes everywhere...nothing You pour into me stays, and nothing I find on my own will stay either cause when I find it, it only punches in more holes. But when I come back to you - suprise - I am utterly dashed upon the rock, broken to pieces. So take me, Lord...without You, I am useless, and with you, I am broken. Only you can make me useful again. Mold me. Take my pieces and melt me down in the warmpth of Your love, and mold me anew. Make me useful again, Lord, as a remade jar of clay, a vessel of your love. Hold me. Don't let me go, Lord. Keep me within your grasp as I seek Your holiness. Don't let me drop from Your arms. Your love is not only amazing, there is no reason behind it that human minds could ever grasp. It is, to the worldly scholars, foolishness for You to have given up everything You had to save souls like us...and to the unlearned, Your grace is taken advantage of and undervalued. But Lord...though I'll never truly understand the sacrifice You made, I love You for it. I just wish that I could be like You.

Diff'rent Strokes and Happy Days

2004-09-14T06:10:00.000-04:00

Many days I just want to relax. Others, I want to cry. Either way, I have no real say in it, emotions just come on their own. And my emotions are on a standstill course right now. Today's better than most of the days of my life, so far, but then again, I'm only 6 hours in. Oh well. At least I have better things coming. Anyway, not much is going on. School, but it's boring as usual. Oh, and our kitchen is collapsing. Well, not literally...but all the cabinetry is being replaced, and we're getting a new everything. New paint job, fixed celing and walls, everything. It's already looking spiffy. Then, we move to my room. New paint job and everything. Can't wait, can't wait. It too will look spiffy. Just you wait!

Today

2004-09-13T03:37:00.000-04:00

Today...I got to go to church again. Today...my hope was renewed. Today...my life swirled around me. Today...My mind was blown again. Today...I thought all was lost. Today...I found out it wasn't. Today...I saw Jesus in the worst of times. Today...I made a mistake. Today...I played with fire and got burned. Today...I lost myself in something I shouldn't have. Today...I lost who I am to what I was. Today...my hope was renewed. Today...I saw something that I didn't before. Today...I spent time with a close friend. Today...I wanted to spend years with him. Today...I felt so lonely I wanted to cry. Today...I reconnected with an old friend. Today...I fell from grace. Today...I'm getting back up.

Now, the quiz starts...lets see if you can figure out which of these were literal, and which ones were metaphorical...lol...

Herald Sun: Catfish eats dog [29aug04]

2004-09-11T22:47:00.000-04:00

Herald Sun: Catfish eats dog

Question. Did this fish think that this was appropriate revenge? or perhaps that eating the dog would make up for the mistreatment of cats and fish worldwide? Hmm....I can picture it now..."Oh, look, there's a wiener dog...wonder if he'd be good as a frankfurter...can't have a bun, it gets soggy...I'll just eat it whole!" I hope the PETA doesn't go after the fish for unethical treatment of a dog...

2004-09-11T21:05:00.000-04:00

So, Ivan is going west now...supposed to hit the Panhandle. I am thankful, but now my prayers must shift to the Florida Panhandle. Praise God for His mercy to us...but I can only pray that His grace and mercy cover the Panhandle. Nothing much else going on...finished my first week of school, it's kinda boring...but I'm glad our road is getting fixed. I had cabin fever, so we all went to Sams Club. Good trip. Glad to get out of the house...ate out, and we bought...CANDY!!!! LOL Snickers and Milky Way and all that stuff...tasted so good....yummm...Well, thats about it. God Bless, y'all!

2004-09-10T03:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this is my first post in a while. This post is Post-Frances and Pre-Ivan. As of right now, the track for Ivan is coming straight through my area. This will make for the third hurricane in my area in two months, and the second one to be a hurricane upon arrival at Tampa. Please be in prayer for our great state and for those in it. It's going to be a long ride for all of us...and some of us have lost it all already.

2004-09-04T16:19:00.000-04:00

Mwahahahaha....I slept 17 hours today! LOL I'm having so much fun. And...well...I guess there isn't that much more. I went to Pizza Hut yesterday with my good friend Alan and had a pizza...and watched the Passion. Good movie, everyone! Good movie! Go get it!

2004-09-01T23:40:00.000-04:00

Did I mention my license was GREEN now? Mwahahahaha! Greeeeeen license! YAY!

2004-09-01T09:28:00.000-04:00

crazy. I don't need an appointment...so I might go today....scary....:-D but it'll be worth taking the test so long as my license is GREEN! Whoohoo!

2004-08-31T22:43:00.000-04:00

Well, more and more stuff. It's 10:40 here, and I'm getting extremely tired. I'm just glad my day is slowly ending. Now, before bed, I need to acquire some info on drivers licenses. Wouldn't it be cool if by the end of the week I had a Driver's License? Driving alone...a prospect I'm exhilarated and scared stupid by. Wish me luck, y'all.

2004-08-31T21:02:00.000-04:00

ok, so this is the power of the blog...lol...I enjoy this tool so much. Glad to be here...now ya see my doggie and I...I hope you continue to come here and find out whats going on! GBU until lata!

2004-08-31T20:52:00.000-04:00

My baby doggie....and my mess, but don't mind that.